1. Snarly 'anger' rather than love. "My mom was very mean or angry all the time. She never smiled and always felt unsatisfied with everything me and my siblings did. Mother would sit and snarl at me almost everyday in disgust." Result: "I was afraid of her and I felt that she hated me."
2. Punitive discipline rather than verbal rebuke. "She would always punish us by spanking us and she rarely (if ever) talked to us regarding something we did wrong."
3. Mother who goes absent in a bad mood. "She came home from work every single day mad and would slam pots and pans when she cooked. Or, just go to her room and slam the door and never come back out that evening. "
4. Parents who do not want their children to have fun. "She always seemed jealous that me and my siblings had a carefree life and did not work. She did not want us to have any fun and made us get up early on the weekends---6:30 am and yanked all the covers off of us and opened the blinds."
5. Parent chooses some, excludes others. "Mother had favorites were my younger brother and my older sister. She would let the rest who was her favorites by doing put downs regarding the rest of us. For example, she would cook breakfast for my younger brother Milton and tell the rest of us to fix our own with our lazy selves."
6. Parent's attitude and tone: "My mom's overall tone or attitude that was depicted by me was you are not worth the time or effort. Or, I don't have worth and value and there is nothing special about me. I always felt rejected by her and she seemed intent on me knowing this and I felt very unloved and unpleasing."
7. Lack of warm affection: "She could not give proper hugs to any us and it felt unloving. Mother would just put her arms around us and pat us hard on the back and release us."
8. Abusive language: "Mother made me feel ashamed. She and my older sister would joke about me and my sister and say inappropriate things about our menstruation beginning etc."
9. Loss of voice: Whatever I said was not given consideration by the family. My opinion did not matter. "I remembered that I had lots of ideas about how things worked, and was always excited to share them with people. However, my parents were always busy, and I had no one who would listen. It was also a rule in the house that children should not meddle with adults’ conversations and not answer back. The odd thing was that my mom was always opening up to me about family problems, but I was not expected to say anything; only listen. I was always reminded to behave and just be quiet. I realized I must have been denied my voice in reaction to being forbidden to speak when I wanted or needed to."
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